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I guess when I saw Cathryn's story it..inspired me..? lol.
Prologue-The Dark City
A prince sat on his throne eyes staring off into the darkness. the prince was unmoving. still as the throne he sat in. his gaze didn't falter. he blinked the first sign of movement. he then got up and walked towards the large tall doors that sealed off his palace. he pushed them open and proceeded towards the steps.
------
"well what is he doing asked the first voice.
"he's walking towards the steps sir replied the second voice.
"prepare your men ordered the first voice.
"yes sir said the second voice.
Storm began the long descent down the steps. he glanced back briefly looking at the two ominus statues that overlooked the dark city. though they wern't alive there was something about them that made them feel...all knowing like they knew everything that was going on.
suddenly before Storms eyes soldiers appeared out of nowhere sliding down rooftops and running towards his palace from the front.
every rooftop in sight was covered in soldiers aiming their guns.
----
"well,whats your status asked the first voice from before.
"hes just standing there replied the second."what I dont like is how calm he looks". like he doesn't look worried at all that there are about 50 of us surrounding him".
this was a normal day for Storm. he glanced around at the raiders. he would eleminate them quickly.
ill continue later.
__________________
sig made by me ^^.
Last edited by Flames Of Oblivion; Apr 10 2008 at 07:16 PM..
D;
My stories are EXTREMELY OLD. I've developed my interpretation of the plot since i started, and it's turned into a doujin comic. Lol. I'm not relativly good at description, MY ENGLISH SUCKS (I'm a german hoe) so i'm basically relying on action instead of words.
srsly.
I'm glad i kind of inspired you in some sort of way, lol. I like what you've written so far, you should continue.
this second voice was actually a soldier among the mass of soldiers standing in front of the palace. he was talking to his CO(Commanding Officer) over his headset."alright men said the soldier.
the sound of guns being loaded could be heard.
"ready said the soldier."Fire!!!".
with a roar all the guns opened fire.
bullets tore through the air towards Storm. but the strangest thing happened next. the bullets just bounced off the air seemingly. he suddenly swung his arm and they appeared. various weapons swirled around him like a whirlwind. the soldiers didn't give up though. the sound of bullets hitting the ground was like a heavy rain storm hitting the roof of a car. it just kept going.
Storm reached into the whirl of weapons taking out a sword. the moonlight glistened off the blade.
then before the shocked eyes of the soldiers Storm disappeared.
"where did he go the commander started.
before he could say another word or letter for that matter he felt something. pain. sheer. pain.
everything seemed to be in slow motion. one moment he had been standing there commanding his men. the next his helmet cracked and he fell backwards. blood ran down from his forehead into his eyes and they stung. he hit the ground in synch with his heart stopping. the rest of the soldiers met the same fate. in a mad flurry of motion blood splashed armor shattered and screams echoed in the air. this was the fate of all who tryed to steal the crystals. this is how it always had been. and this is how it always will be.
Please don't post anymore, at least not until you learn some punctuation and how to write a story properly. Plus you're just writing out the trailer basically. Do something original why don't you?
I'm not saying this to be mean, but everyone else is saying it's good when it really isn't, and it's better that you know that so you can improve instead of thinking you're good and just embarrassing yourself.
I didn't like it. Sorry. Your bad grammar made it difficult to read.
What?
I liked it, I think you should still keep going and dont give it up.
__________________ [SIGPIC]
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.
-LOVELESS ACT 1.
No problem and can you check mines out, its the one with the prince versus the skirt girl.
__________________ [SIGPIC]
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.
-LOVELESS ACT 1.
I liked it, I think you should still keep going and dont give it up.
It's not good, he can't even indicate where speech ends or use question or exclamation marks. And he's just writing out what happens in the trailer so it's not like it's some amazing original fan-fic. People should stop saying something is good if it isn't because frankly I think it's patronising. If you give criticism where it's due then people can improve.
It's not good, he can't even indicate where speech ends or use question or exclamation marks. And he's just writing out what happens in the trailer so it's not like it's some amazing original fan-fic. People should stop saying something is good if it isn't because frankly I think it's patronising. If you give criticism where it's due then people can improve.
well i just hate giving bad critism but it does have some need of improvment on the other handbut im notas radical as others are.
__________________ [SIGPIC]
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take it to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.
-LOVELESS ACT 1.
At first I thought Rade was being a prat intentionally just to spite you, but when I actually went to read it, I realized his point stood after all. Aside from the fact the grammar sucks gonads, this really is just a poor description of the Versus trailer. I'm better off fan!wanking over the trailer with shimmery graphics rather than this.
__________________
I still remember...The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize,it was all just a lie.
keep writting no matter what people say about your work! I'll be honest and say that it has alot of grammatical and punctuation errors but if you look past all of that stuff you can see that its a pretty good story so far. But Rade does have a point, its almost like the trailer, are you going to do something different with it?
But don't worry too much about the grammar and stuff, remember that those things are just fancy rules in language that writers use in their stories so that they can make sense better for the people that read them. But I notice some of the errors when you write-
For example:
"well what is he doing asked the first voice.
Instead you should type it like this:
"Well what is he doing?" Asked the first voice.
You have to add a period at the end whether its a question mark, period, or exclamation point or whatever. And at the end of the period make sure you place quotations at the end of a character's speech as well.
Those are just some examples on what you should improve on. How about having someone edit and look over your work before posting?
-Oh, and one more thing! When you're starting a sentence basic rule: always capitalize the first letter! Even If a character is speaking! But don't worry you'll get better as long as you stick to it!
Okay I'm going to shut up now, sometimes I type way too much.
-Gaia
__________________
“With great age comes wisdom, so look at it brightly this way: we all may become old wrinkly people someday but at least we’ll be smart!"
“Most people are only afraid of the dark because they can not see what is meant to be seen…”
Rade is being a prat as usual. He's hypocritical about what he ways, he complains about grammar and punctuation, and he even goes as far to say people are patronizing him/her when they are trying to be encouraging. But if Rade's OH SO GREAT at it, why couldn't he give some guides or examples like Gaia did? Grammar and punctuations, while making things understandable, does not and should not become a hinder or does not give you the right to take someone else's right to post their own creative expression. More or less to tell them to stop posting.
Flames of Oblivion - I like where you're going with this, even if it is a re-cap of the trailers available of the game. I've written a few myself, and find that even if visual effects, animations and graphics are beautiful, words and literature, or written stories can be just as powerful if not even moreso. Take Gaia's advice and if you keep practicing, I think you can crank out some enticing and catchy stories.
Rade - Quite frankly I am tired of your petty antics and immaturity. Want me to be brutally honest? Ok, here ya go. You're annoying, immature, not very knowledgable, and not so original. What do I mean by that? I took a look at your artwork on your deviantart page, and it's not that great at all. I've seen hundreds of third-rate artists like you who just does rehashes of other characters and self-interpretations of Final Fantasy characters. You lack originality, and also artistic skills that you are nowhere near being anywhere as great as Tetsuya Nomura. So this is what I did prior to this post: I sent a link of your deviantart page along with this thread's link and various other posts you made on this site to my close friend who is also the chair department of the game design division of the art school I graduated from. I told them that they probably don't want someone who discourages other students from their creativity attending their school, and to forward it to other art schools who provide similar programs of the links and description of who you are. I've also sent similar e-mails to my friends currently working in the industry in various companies mentioning the same topic at hand. Learn to respect your peers. If you don't got anything nice to say, don't say anything is what your mom probably told you before. What goes around, comes back around. Good luck, because you'll need it.
Final Fantasy Versus XIII story.
I've developed my interpretation of the plot since i started, and it's turned into a doujin comic. Lol. I'm not relativly good at description, MY ENGLISH SUCKS (I'm a german hoe) so i'm basically relying on action instead of words.
[SIGPIC]
