A cry for help. [Poetry]

[Draike]

Well, it is quite, actually, it is downright fucking pathetic. I took it straight from my journal, was/ still am, going through a rough time. Anyway, Comment away, criticism appreciated.

I cry out
But no one hears me
I seek shelter
But no one shields me
I reach out
But no one sees me
I scream
I cry
But only on the inside
No one knows me
I exist only to myself
I am in your world
But only as a ghost
Forever lost
Dying on the inside

[Sakura]

pretty .

[Draike]

I really really don't like you already.

[OmiVersusXIV]

Originally Posted by Draike

Well, it is quite, actually, it is downright fucking pathetic. I took it straight from my journal, was/ still am, going through a rough time. Anyway, Comment away, criticism appreciated.

I cry out
But no one hears me
I seek shelter
But no one shields me
I reach out
But no one sees me
I scream
I cry
But only on the inside
No one knows me
I exist only to myself
I am in your world
But only as a ghost
Forever lost
Dying on the inside

I like it, i was really feeling it, great job.

[Draike]

Thanks? Any criticism though? I'm looking to improve this because it is one of my favorites.

[OmiVersusXIV]

Originally Posted by Draike

Thanks? Any criticism though? I'm looking to improve this because it is one of my favorites.

maybe you should put some commas between some of the lines but thats just my opinon

[Draike]

Yeah, It was like that in my journal, but I got confused with how I did it so I left my periods, semicolons, commas, and shit out.

[OmiVersusXIV]

Originally Posted by Draike

Yeah, It was like that in my journal, but I got confused with how I did it so I left my periods, semicolons, commas, and shit out.

other then that its great, cant wait to see the next one

[Draike]

You want a next one?


Well... I have a lot in my journal... I'll post one tomorrow though, I am tired. I have not slept for the last three nights. If I can't sleep I'll post it.