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Old Mar 19 2012, 02:02 PM   #1
Whiplash
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As many of you may know, at the beginning of the year and against my most strenuous objections, my parents dropped our ISP of the last 10 years and went to Optus (hereafter referred to as 'the arseholes', 'SatanTel', 'Kony2013' or any other epithet I think up). Since then we have had nothing but trouble with our internet.

1. It's slow. Like, only slightly faster than when we were capped by our previous ISP, slow. When we rung up to complain tonight, they made us do a speed test ON THEIR SITE that claimed we were 1000 kb/s (kb, not mb, because it looks bigger and more impressive, further proof in my mind that they only make money by exploiting people who don't know any better). 10 minutes later (I had to wait because the modem decided to drop out), on the same computer, speedtest.net gave us 0.31mb/s as a maximum, twice. The ping improved the second time but nothing else did. Helpline claims the problem is on our end, either with our computers or our phones.

My mother, who was doing the talking because I would have laughed too much, told them at the beginning that our default browser was Firefox and asked it that was okay, they told her to open IE. I presume this is because IE is what's written on their little worksheet because really guys?


2. It drops out constantly. Last provider? Wi-fi coverage all over the house, plus a fair bit outside, no worries. This turdshitcock? Drops out regularly. In fact, it disconnects constantly. Not just wifi, even the cable fails. When you're trying to upload an assignment before a deadline, this is extremely irritating. When you're bored and trying to find something to do that can distract you from the sounds of the Dick van Dyke Show blaring out of your lounge room, it is homicidal-maniac-making.

3. When it does connect, or claims it has, it will even more frequently restrict me to LAN only. No internet for Claire, no can do. Again, I can trace this problem as far as the modem being a piece of shit. It's a case of frequently resetting it and hoping that, this time, it'll work.

BUT IT'S ALL AT OUR END, RIGHT OPTUS? YEAAAAHH THAT'S RIGHT.

As an example of what I have to cope with every time I come online, I spent 40 minutes from 8pm onwards just trying to get even the text on this page to load.

First the signal dropped out and there was 20 minutes of 'Oh! There it is! Connect! ... shit, it's gone again.' Then there was another 20 minutes of LAN ONLY, aww okay you can have the internet. Just kidding! You can't. Loser.

I can't remember the last time a youtube video loaded all the way for me. Here's my deep, dark, dirty secret: all those videos you guys link in the chatbox? I only ever watch about the first 20 seconds of those, because that's all that will load for me before we move onto something else.

Please help me prepare my defence for the next call to Optus.
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Old Mar 19 2012, 02:28 PM   #2
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I get that you're angry at them for suggesting the problem is on your end, but just to be clear, have you performed an isolation test? They generally won't listen to you until you do.

Also, do you know what plan you're on/have access to the toolbox (orwhatever they call their account thingo)?
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Old Mar 19 2012, 02:53 PM   #3
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I don't know what plan I'm on but I have access to the toolbox because my brother set up the security old skool so each laptop's IP has to be added to the permitted access list.



... crap, I still haven't done Jane's iPhone.


... eh, that's what she gets for being an iPhone user anyway


And I'm pretty sure an isolation test is what we're doing when they call back tomorrow. Switching everything bar one thing off and seeing what happens? An issue with our tech may explain the speed and some of the connection issues, but as I've said, often I can trace it straight back to the modem. As in, go to the room and see the red light over 'Internet' where the green light should be. Surely the modem gets the signal before the wifi laptops do?
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Old Mar 19 2012, 03:02 PM   #4
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Don't get me wrong, I'm guessing it's the modem too, simply because it's what the problem has been in my experience. Just out of curiosity, when you installed the new modem, did you replace any of the existing cables or the line splitter (if you're using one)? That'll be the other thing they'll want you to mess around with in the isolation test, particularly the splitter.
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[20th January 09:05:11] Aurelia I don't speak diva. I speak human being.

[20:42:05] Whiplash I'm never going to use my maternity leave, why can't I exchange it for period leave?
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Old Mar 19 2012, 03:09 PM   #5
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1. What's the line splitter? That thingy you plug the phone line into?

2. Everything we used was what they sent to us.
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Old Mar 19 2012, 03:37 PM   #6
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It should look more or less like this:



Part of the test will be removing that and establishing as direct a connection between the modem and the phone line as possible. So if the wall socket is a bit far from where you have your modem set up, have a laptop handy.

Or, if you still have your iiNet stuff handy, you could test the modem right now. But it's late, so you might just want to wait until the Optus pleb can help you through it.
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[20th January 09:05:11] Aurelia I don't speak diva. I speak human being.

[20:42:05] Whiplash I'm never going to use my maternity leave, why can't I exchange it for period leave?
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Old Mar 19 2012, 03:51 PM   #7
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Also I think my parents listened to Optus when they said to just throw out all the iiNet stuff. My parents like throwing things out. Things they can't see a use for, anyway, but that's another rant.

Thanks for the help, I shall be prepared.



And if nothing improves, I'll sick my hyenas on them. My Nazi hyenas.
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