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 15:03:54
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You put your speed cameras just after a change in the speed limit and you have busty traffic maids
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15:03:31
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I must be one of the few straight guys that's not that impressed by large boobs.
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15:02:48
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Pfft, that's not how you raise money for the government coffers
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15:02:14
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None. My shirt is big and covers them
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15:02:04
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They're a powerful gift, Em. Use them wisely.
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15:01:58
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Would a lot of guys do that in Rhode Island?
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15:00:57
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So, how many men have deliberately double parked just to see your boobs when you bend over to look in their window?
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15:00:16
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Thank god. Nausea went away after I ate. I think I woke up too early.
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14:59:04
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Yeah. I work traffic and write tickets.
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14:58:33
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I would hope you still have some ridiculous dog the bounty hunter background music.
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14:57:54
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14:57:49
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14:57:41
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14:57:37
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14:57:27
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14:57:23
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Basically I'd be a skinnier, red-headed Cartman
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14:57:17
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You will respect Claire's authoritAU!
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14:56:57
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"Nope, sorry soccer mum in an SUV, you can't go through yet. I'm letting these microbes pass first."
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14:56:24
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Oooo, that would go straight to my head
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14:56:05
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And has the power to write tickets.
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14:56:02
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I'm picturing Eric Cartman in cargo shorts and sunglasses.
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14:55:30
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She gets paid to sit around and direct traffic or something.
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14:55:14
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I'm picturing you in a lighthouse
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14:54:55
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What exactly is your job?
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14:54:17
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She's going to need a supply of ex-girlfriends for new writing material anyway.
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14:54:05
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No, then I can leave for my next post which is basically sitting in my car because there's hardly any traffic
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14:52:50
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Then 'Operation: Make Taylor Swift Gay for Me' begins?
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14:51:16
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14:47:18
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I actually liked Edge of Darkness surprisingly.
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14:43:48
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14:43:33
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We're also responsible for Mel Gibson
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14:37:59
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Still haven't seen Stoker although her character doesn't seem that interesting in the trailers.
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14:35:25
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She was low on the list, though. About every other actor in that movie outclassed her.
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14:35:16
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Speaking of Nicole Kidman, I double take every time Antonia Kidman's ad is on. "She has a sister? Ohhh yeah..."
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14:33:34
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I enjoyed her performance in... um...
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14:32:33
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I enjoyed her performance in Cold Mountain.
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14:31:10
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14:30:56
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Really? I'd have put Nicole "Can't move my face anymore" Kidman down in the negatives column as well
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14:30:06
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Liam and Chris Hemsworth are all that matter. Especially Liam.
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14:29:35
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As is Nicole Kidman and Strahovski. I'd say that makes up for Rebel Wilson.
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14:28:05
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14:27:32
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Isn't Naomi Watts from Australia?
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14:27:15
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14:26:32
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It's all about the context
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14:26:28
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We also have two kinds of chips
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14:26:20
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We call that tomato sauce too
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14:26:00
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It's just that if she's in movies, she's not on TV
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14:25:53
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Incidentally, sorry about unleashing Rebel Wilson on the world
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14:25:36
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It's exactly the same, just a different name
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14:25:36
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I guess we only get the good ones over here.
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14:25:21
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Isn't tomato sauce not exactly like ketchup, though? It's not as thick.
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14:25:13
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Ha! I dare you to watch Australian TV some time if you think we're a breeding ground for good actors
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14:25:04
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and what to you call sauce that you put on a meatball sub?
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14:24:44
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fuck Australia and their breeding grounds for good actors
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14:24:24
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14:24:00
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Australian tomato sauce is special.
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14:23:34
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Tomato sauce is tomato sauce Claire. You put it on pasta and shit. You don't dip fries in it.
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14:23:31
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And for the last time, it's a JAM doughnut!
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14:22:02
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Just when she was writing the sign too.
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14:21:36
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That's tomato sauce, you Yankee heathen
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14:21:18
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Security's job is to keep weird people away from Ms Swift, Em
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14:20:58
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14:18:35
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Well that was a general question unrelated to the sign I think Emily should write but thank you for making me laugh a little.
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14:17:44
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If you write in blood that you're on your period, no one is going to stop to check what kind of blood it is
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14:16:21
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What about leukemia blood?
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14:15:48
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I'm already friends with her security though. They'd just think I was weird.
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14:15:19
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As a person of the female persuasion, we're not given to sympathy for people who write in menstrual blood
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14:12:52
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That's only because Taylor wouldn't see the sign in time.
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14:12:19
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One look at the sign and it will be Security to the front gate, Security to the front gate please
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14:11:41
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Oh c'mon Claire. You know it's an effective method. One look at that sign and it'll be TAYLOR TO THE RESCUE!
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14:10:40
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"Hey, if Obama wasn't such a muslim communist busy faking gun massacres, the economy would be in better shape and we could afford more staff"
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14:09:48
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Blame Obama and they'll forgive you
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14:09:18
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And now whoever else shows up today is going to have a more work than they otherwise would have. Of course they'll try to guilt trip me about it.
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14:09:01
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14:05:49
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I requested this day off well over a month ago because I had an obligation but they still scheduled me for today. Bastards.
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14:05:32
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14:04:17
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Make the sign with blood if you don't have a pen or marker
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14:03:43
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It's the original win-win situation
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14:03:30
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If she does, you'll have lunch
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14:01:58
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If she doesn't respond, you'll have proof enough for the tabloids that she's a transsexual
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14:01:23
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Make a sign saying "TAYLOR: ON PERIOD, NEED FOOD"
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14:01:05
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Do you have any paper and pens?
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13:59:41
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13:52:22
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13:51:24
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13:47:16
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Evidence: there aren't any other Lindsay Lohans out there, despite all the drugs celebrities are almost certainly taking
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13:46:54
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Look, not every celebrity who does drugs ends up like Lindsay Lohan
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13:46:22
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not let her become Lindsay Lohan
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13:46:04
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13:43:45
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She paid for those drugs and she won't be happy if you take them from her
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13:43:18
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Shady van went through security. NOOOOO I WILL SAVE YOU
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13:42:27
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Did I tell you about the three drunk guys who almost got arrested for trying to climb up to her house? It was hilarious.
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13:41:14
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I had mine before it was cool
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13:41:02
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Also, you guys are late to the period party
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13:39:32
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13:38:52
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DO IT. THEN LEAVE AND WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT.
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13:38:47
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Probably is cocaine though
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13:38:29
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THERE IS NO CANDY, DESPITE WHAT HE SAYS
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13:38:19
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13:38:19
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Fortunately I'm wearing very tight shorts
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