Kuja Las Vegas
Sep 16 2009, 02:43 PM
I don't take credit for writing any of these, it's just a copy and paste job. But they're damn funny to me, so enjoy. :lol:
Just an abdominal flex from Jecht makes all women in a thirty foot radius fall to the ground in a spasm of blatant fertility and pleasure.
Any man who can carry a freaking METEOR and hurl it an opponent three times in a row is just... godly. Sephiroth wanted to summon a Meteor? Psh, just have Jecht jump into outer space and have him throw it at Cloud.
But have you realized what seppy had to do in order to get that meteor? Jecht just leaps, plays cards with a group of meteors, then the loser gets carried off into whoever dares stand in his way. Simple.
What!? Chuck Norris is evolving! *insert pokemon evolution music* Your Chuck Norris has evolved into Jecht!
When Jecht falls into water, Jecht doesnt get wet. The water gets Jecht-ed.
Chuck Norris can read minds. Jecht can't, but only because he doesn't care what you think.
If it smells like chicken, and tastes like chicken and looks like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's beef. Jecht is never wrong about what type of meat it is.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. Jecht decided it was not butter.
Chuck Norris decides who lives. Jecht decides who is born.
While it may be true that when Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's, when Jecht goes into McDonald's he gets what he ****ing wants.
If the energies of two Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks collide, the universe would cease to exist. Jecht can achieve the same thing with his right ear.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father. Jecht never was a virgin.
Chuck Norris's watch has no numbers, it just says "Time to kick ass!". Jecht doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Some people claim Chuck Norris is better because he's a real life person and Jecht is just a fictional character. In reality, that's exactly what Jecht WANTS you to believe.
Jecht's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jecht.
Jecht once punched a person right in his soul!
I once saw someone pick a fight with Jecht. That person is now fetal, naked, crying, hiding in a tree in the Amazon, and has no skin.
Jecht played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded .500 Smith&Wesson and won.
Jecht once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
The children's game Simon Says should be renamed to Jecht Says because if Jecht says something then you better ****ing do it.
When Jecht pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jecht makes onions cry.
If you spell 'Jecht' in Scrabble. You win. Forever.
Jecht can kill himself, and he would still be alive.
Jecht once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now "The Islands."
To Jecht, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half of his damn beer, and now they will have a ****ing face full of glass.
Jecht folds the clothes of his defeated enemies. Without removing their bodies.
Jecht once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.
In Poker, Jecht doesn't need to bluff. He looks at opponent, tells them to fold, and they do so. Always.
Jecht is so good in bed he screams his own name during sex.
Jecht is neither Black nor White, all races are shades of Jecht.
Jecht once slammed a revolving door.
We can replace Roundhouse Kick with Jecht Shot.
The laws of universe mean nothing to ExDeath, but ExDeath's Laws mean nothing to JECHT.
The Void is the product of a practice JECHT shot.
JECHT is so awesome his name must be written in caps.
Once a month Jecht sleeps with every woman in the world. As a result they bleed for several days afterwards.
When JECHT does push-ups, he doesn't push himself UP, he pushes the universe DOWN.
Someone once stole JECHT's Klondike bar. Now Pluto's no longer a planet.
Jecht can just move the earth around to his liking or destination.
Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land. But Jecht can make his destination come to him, and also rape whole solar systems in one sitting. AND the sun.
JECHT is so awesome he neglected his child, Tidus.
Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush, but JECHT's backhand beats everything.
God wanted 10 days to make the earth, Chuck Norris gave him a week, JECHT told them to make it in the first place.
JECHT can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head.
JECHT was 'sandbagging'. He wanted you to think he was a loser in FFX so when he appeared in Dissidia, (of which he not only knew about it before anyone at Squeenix thought it up, he made the damn executive order for it), he would just make your head esplode that much more.
Jecht can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
JECHT's Combo beats Mortal Kombat's Brutalities. ANY day.
A rose by any other name can still be found and have it's ass kicked by Jecht.
No one can flame Jecht online, for he can actually combo you through the internet.
JECHT IS The Force.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice because it's running from Chuck Norris, but meteors impact planets because they're running from Jecht.
In a single, average living room, Chuck Norris can kill you with over 1000 items in the room including the room itself. Jecht just shrugs, grabs a meteor, and blows up the whole ****ing house.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger and cried himself to sleep. The next day he played Final Fantasy X and didn't sleep at all.
Basically if you lose while using Jecht in Dissida, it's your fault for not being able to handle his manliness in battle, OR his manliness's bonecrushing combos. In fact, Jecht prefers you refer to him not as "Jecht," but as Your Manliness.
JECHT counted to infinity TWICE while doing Chuck Norris's mom.
The only reason Chuck Norris is as awesome as he is today is because he was beaten as a child by his father: JECHT.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and Jecht will eat him.
If Jecht and Chuck Norris ever got into a fight and put their ALL into it, mortals throughout creation would die from overexposure to awesome, Gods would fall on their knees and weep at the extreme level of epic those two would radiate and all of creation would explode in a fiery ball of awesomeness. If I had to die, THAT would be the way I'd wanna go.
If you were a student, JECHT would give you the highest grade he could possibly give... a drawing of his tattoo on your exam.
Chuck Norris is the absolute pinnacle of all things manly and awesome. He is the Alpha, Omega and everything in between. What he says, goes no matter what. And his foot is the last thing you see before you die...etc. And the one man Chuck is inferior to? Jecht.
Jecht plays full contact Origami.
Jecht found out the meaning of life, but didn't write it down.
Jecht raises the best show-clams in the universe.
Jecht can bake 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes.
Know why Jecht is awesome? Compare him to the other FF games.
FFI - Jecht doesn't knock you down; you're dead before the first hit even connects.
FFII - Jecht doesn't need the Ultima Tome; he IS the Ultima Tome.
FFIII - Jecht doesn't need the power of the crystals; he MADE them.
FFIV - Jecht doesn't have to climb Mt. Ordeals; he pulls the mountain down until the summit is ground level.
FFV - Jecht doesn't need the power of the Void; he's too much for the Void to handle.
FFVI - Jecht doesn't need the power of the Warring Triad statues; he finds things like that as prizes in his cereal.
FFVII - Jecht doesn't need to mosey; the Planet has to move FOR him.
FFVIII - Jecht doesn't compress time; he crushes it between his pecks.
FFIX - Jecht doesn't have a limited lifespan; he has no limits.
At one time everyone in the world was a man, then Jecht was born and over half of them instantly became women in response to his glory. Then he had sex with them.
Jecht can know both the position and velocity of any particle in the universe.
When Chuck Norris discovered his father was Jecht, he turned into Tidus.
The most expenisive coffee in the world comes from beans that have been digested and defecated from Jecht.
I think we all know Jecht is more manly than Sephiroth could ever be. Consider:
Jecht was invited to speak at an all-girls school. Simply by declining the invitation, everyone at the school became pregnant, including the male teachers and the 70-year-old lunch lady.
The real reason Garland went back in time to become Chaos? Jecht hit him so hard he punched a hole in the space-time continuum.
Cloud didn't suffer from Mako poisoning in Mideel, he suffered from overexposure to Jecht''s awesomeness.
There was once an atmosphere on the moon. Then Jecht flexed.
The real reason Gabranth is an ex-Judge? Because NO ONE can judge Jecht.
When Jecht takes a tropical vacation, he sleeps on the Sun.
When Jecht kills something, it gets reincarnated, and then dies again.
Upon seeing Jecht coming toward it, the Midgar Zolom did that to itself.
The Serpent gave Adam and Eve an apple, but Jecht gave them Dis Pear.
The ghosts aren't chasing Pac-Man, they're running from Jecht.
The Void used to be a nice place to visit. Then it angered Jecht.
Chuck Norris built Rome in a day. Jecht built Chuck Norris in twenty seconds.
Ayn Rand asked, "Who is John Galt?" NO ONE asks "Who is Jecht?"
Jecht was removed from the original Mortal Kombat because every move of his was a fatality.
Jecht was removed from Mortal Kombat 2 because he refused to do Friendships.
Every cloud has a silver lining. This silver lining is made from Jecht's hair.
Jecht is so bad-ass, if he kills himself, YOU die instead.
Jecht was able to win at Triple Triad... without any cards.
Once there as a chocobo named after Jecht. It won every race. Even ones it didn't enter.
Kefka pushed the Warring Triad out of balance and destroyed the world. Jecht destroyed the Warring Triad.
The reason it's called The Calm is because that's what Jecht was when he faced Sin.
Sin is Yu Yevon, because Jecht >>>>>>>>>> YOU.
When Jecht picks up a Rubik's Cube, the colors align themselves.
Jecht doesn't need a memory card. Games are too scared not to save.
Jecht once had a dog. It ate Angelo and Interceptor, and then Jecht outdid his dog by eating the entire species of Shoopufs to extinction.
If you kill Omega Weapon, you get the Proof of Omega. No one knows what you get when you kill Jecht, because he can't die.
The Great Wall of China wasn't built to keep out the Mongols. It was built to keep out Jecht. It didn't work.
Socialized medicine doesn't really have "death panels," but if it did, they would consist only of Jecht.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks his closet to be sure that Chuck Norris isn't there. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't bother checking the closet because he knows Jecht will unleash a Jecht Shot on his ass no matter what he does.
Ozzy Osbourne bit the head of a bat. Not to be outdone by him Chuck Norris proceeded to bite the head of Batman. Jecht's response to this was assembling over nine thousand vampires and decapitating them with the fingernail of his left pinky.
When Alexander looked over his empire, he wept for he failed to impress JECHT.
The reason Jecht is awesome is because it's Chuck Norris PLAYING AS Jecht. The beard and manly chest hair gave it away.
If Chuck Norris played as Jecht, the universe would implode on itself from the utter awesomeness of it all.
Exdeath is Jecht's "morning wood."
Scientists believe that black holes are formed by a star imploding. The truth is that they are formed whenever Jecht flushes his toilet.
When Jecht wants sex, he gets an e-JECHT-ion.
Jecht wouldn't do anything for a Klondike Bar. He'd make you do it.
Mario eats mushrooms to grow bigger. Jecht eats planets.
When you order from Pizza Hut, you have your choice of Pan, Hand-Tossed, or Thin Crust. Jecht gets all three types of crust.
Jecht does not master materia. Materia masters itself just to be equipped by Jecht.
Vampires don't sleep in coffins. That's where they hide from Jecht.
There is no such thing as a stupid question only if you get Jecht's approval first.
Tetsuya Nomura drew the concept art for Sephiroth. Jecht drew the concept art for Tetsuya Nomura, for he created him.
God said let there be light. Chuck Norris said "Say please." Jecht was the one who taught Chuck good manners.
2012 is the coming of Jecht.
Chuck Norris won The Game, but Jecht invented The Game.
Jecht doesn't need to give light back to the crystals, his radiance would outshine it anyways.
Jecht doesn't need sunfire to take out the dreadnought. He takes Hilda and leaves, and without his manliness to full it the ship just implodes.
Jecht doesn't need the light from the crystals to fight the CoD. His light created them.
Jecht doesn't need the Holy materia to stop the meteor, he just needs a running start before he jumps into it.
Jecht doesn't need to compress time. When he tells you what time it is... and it is that time.
There is no i in team unless Jecht says there is.
The fayt didn't create Jecht with their dreams.. Jecht created them, he's just always on their minds 24/7. Jecht may have become Braska's final Aeon.. But.. that was after he had beaten Sin. The first CG image of jecht caused a massive sytem failure because the computer couldn't hold so much data. Jecht was secretly removed from all religious books for fear that his followers would grow to plentiful. Jecht wasn't training in the ocean when sin came. The ocean was training with Jecht to become better at holding him. Tidus's mother wasn't the only one who died of depression when Jecht disapeared. most of the female population did, and a large portion of the male population did too.
Kuja got angry when Garland made Zidane. Garland got angry when Jecht made Chuck Norris.
Jecht needs no Limit Breaks. He is the Broken Limit.
Nowadays they offer "Jecht-related property damage" insurance.
Jecht doesn't need a soul to live. The soul needs Jecht.
I you have 500 Gil... And Jecht has 500 Gil, Jecht has more Gil than you.
Yu Yevon didin't appear until the very last moment of FFX just becaue he was afraid that JECHT would be mad for taking his screentime.
Dragoon's don't learn jump to attack, they learn jump to get away from Jecht as fast as possible.
Mega Elixers are made from the sweat of Jecht.
Jecht has had 10 sons, Gilgamesh, Ozma, Omega Weapon, Penance, Baltheir, Shinryu, Superman, Magneto, Death Machine, The Hulk, and Tidus. Tidus is the black sheep of the family.
Sephiroth was trying to cast Jecht, all he got was Meteor though.
Kuja was trying to cast Jecht, all he got was Ultima though.
Ultimecia was trying to cast Jecht, all she got was Time Compression though.
Aeris, Aerith, it doesn't matter. Jecht does them both.
"BADASS" -Fujin, on Jecht.
"SWEET JESUS" -Fujin, on Jecht.
"World very simple place. World only have two things: things Jecht can kill and things Jecht already killed." -Quina, on Jecht.
Tonberry's walk away from Jecht.
Jecht can make paraplegic people run for their lives.
Jecht can kill people with their own corpse.
Jecht doesn't have a computer, just thousands of nerds doing the computing.
Jecht CAN simply walk his way into Mordor.
When Jecth goes to Walmart. He buys what he needs and leaves. He is not swayed by the great savings.
Jecht knows everything, except for the definition of Mercy and Failure.
Jecht drinks molten iron and sweats Mountain Dew.
Jecht actually used his Ultimate Jecht Shot once during a blitzball game. Dinosaurs will be missed dearly...
Jecht is so awesome he gets away with child abuse.
you know that thing you're doing with your face? that breathing thing? Jecht lets you do that; be thankful.
Ya know that whole 'hung like a horse' thing? Horses wish they could be hung like Jecht.
Aneurysms? Jecht's answer to you for disrespecting him.
Ever heard about all those diseases from the Dark Ages? Jecht let one rip.
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Jecht.
Jecht can do push-ups and sit-ups at the same time.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. But Jecht did it first.
If tapped, a True Jecht Shot could power the country of Australia for 23 years.
Chuck is Jecht's personal tissue and toilet paper.
Jecht is so epic he sued EPIC for stealing his middle name.
tl;dr I'm stupadd.
Just an abdominal flex from Jecht makes all women in a thirty foot radius fall to the ground in a spasm of blatant fertility and pleasure.
Any man who can carry a freaking METEOR and hurl it an opponent three times in a row is just... godly. Sephiroth wanted to summon a Meteor? Psh, just have Jecht jump into outer space and have him throw it at Cloud.
But have you realized what seppy had to do in order to get that meteor? Jecht just leaps, plays cards with a group of meteors, then the loser gets carried off into whoever dares stand in his way. Simple.
What!? Chuck Norris is evolving! *insert pokemon evolution music* Your Chuck Norris has evolved into Jecht!
When Jecht falls into water, Jecht doesnt get wet. The water gets Jecht-ed.
Chuck Norris can read minds. Jecht can't, but only because he doesn't care what you think.
If it smells like chicken, and tastes like chicken and looks like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef, then it's beef. Jecht is never wrong about what type of meat it is.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. Jecht decided it was not butter.
Chuck Norris decides who lives. Jecht decides who is born.
While it may be true that when Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's, when Jecht goes into McDonald's he gets what he ****ing wants.
If the energies of two Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks collide, the universe would cease to exist. Jecht can achieve the same thing with his right ear.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father. Jecht never was a virgin.
Chuck Norris's watch has no numbers, it just says "Time to kick ass!". Jecht doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Some people claim Chuck Norris is better because he's a real life person and Jecht is just a fictional character. In reality, that's exactly what Jecht WANTS you to believe.
Jecht's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jecht.
Jecht once punched a person right in his soul!
I once saw someone pick a fight with Jecht. That person is now fetal, naked, crying, hiding in a tree in the Amazon, and has no skin.
Jecht played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded .500 Smith&Wesson and won.
Jecht once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
The children's game Simon Says should be renamed to Jecht Says because if Jecht says something then you better ****ing do it.
When Jecht pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jecht makes onions cry.
If you spell 'Jecht' in Scrabble. You win. Forever.
Jecht can kill himself, and he would still be alive.
Jecht once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now "The Islands."
To Jecht, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half of his damn beer, and now they will have a ****ing face full of glass.
Jecht folds the clothes of his defeated enemies. Without removing their bodies.
Jecht once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.
In Poker, Jecht doesn't need to bluff. He looks at opponent, tells them to fold, and they do so. Always.
Jecht is so good in bed he screams his own name during sex.
Jecht is neither Black nor White, all races are shades of Jecht.
Jecht once slammed a revolving door.
We can replace Roundhouse Kick with Jecht Shot.
The laws of universe mean nothing to ExDeath, but ExDeath's Laws mean nothing to JECHT.
The Void is the product of a practice JECHT shot.
JECHT is so awesome his name must be written in caps.
Once a month Jecht sleeps with every woman in the world. As a result they bleed for several days afterwards.
When JECHT does push-ups, he doesn't push himself UP, he pushes the universe DOWN.
Someone once stole JECHT's Klondike bar. Now Pluto's no longer a planet.
Jecht can just move the earth around to his liking or destination.
Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land. But Jecht can make his destination come to him, and also rape whole solar systems in one sitting. AND the sun.
JECHT is so awesome he neglected his child, Tidus.
Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush, but JECHT's backhand beats everything.
God wanted 10 days to make the earth, Chuck Norris gave him a week, JECHT told them to make it in the first place.
JECHT can run around the world so fast he can punch himself in the back of the head.
JECHT was 'sandbagging'. He wanted you to think he was a loser in FFX so when he appeared in Dissidia, (of which he not only knew about it before anyone at Squeenix thought it up, he made the damn executive order for it), he would just make your head esplode that much more.
Jecht can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
JECHT's Combo beats Mortal Kombat's Brutalities. ANY day.
A rose by any other name can still be found and have it's ass kicked by Jecht.
No one can flame Jecht online, for he can actually combo you through the internet.
JECHT IS The Force.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice because it's running from Chuck Norris, but meteors impact planets because they're running from Jecht.
In a single, average living room, Chuck Norris can kill you with over 1000 items in the room including the room itself. Jecht just shrugs, grabs a meteor, and blows up the whole ****ing house.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger and cried himself to sleep. The next day he played Final Fantasy X and didn't sleep at all.
Basically if you lose while using Jecht in Dissida, it's your fault for not being able to handle his manliness in battle, OR his manliness's bonecrushing combos. In fact, Jecht prefers you refer to him not as "Jecht," but as Your Manliness.
JECHT counted to infinity TWICE while doing Chuck Norris's mom.
The only reason Chuck Norris is as awesome as he is today is because he was beaten as a child by his father: JECHT.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and Jecht will eat him.
If Jecht and Chuck Norris ever got into a fight and put their ALL into it, mortals throughout creation would die from overexposure to awesome, Gods would fall on their knees and weep at the extreme level of epic those two would radiate and all of creation would explode in a fiery ball of awesomeness. If I had to die, THAT would be the way I'd wanna go.
If you were a student, JECHT would give you the highest grade he could possibly give... a drawing of his tattoo on your exam.
Chuck Norris is the absolute pinnacle of all things manly and awesome. He is the Alpha, Omega and everything in between. What he says, goes no matter what. And his foot is the last thing you see before you die...etc. And the one man Chuck is inferior to? Jecht.
Jecht plays full contact Origami.
Jecht found out the meaning of life, but didn't write it down.
Jecht raises the best show-clams in the universe.
Jecht can bake 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes.
Know why Jecht is awesome? Compare him to the other FF games.
FFI - Jecht doesn't knock you down; you're dead before the first hit even connects.
FFII - Jecht doesn't need the Ultima Tome; he IS the Ultima Tome.
FFIII - Jecht doesn't need the power of the crystals; he MADE them.
FFIV - Jecht doesn't have to climb Mt. Ordeals; he pulls the mountain down until the summit is ground level.
FFV - Jecht doesn't need the power of the Void; he's too much for the Void to handle.
FFVI - Jecht doesn't need the power of the Warring Triad statues; he finds things like that as prizes in his cereal.
FFVII - Jecht doesn't need to mosey; the Planet has to move FOR him.
FFVIII - Jecht doesn't compress time; he crushes it between his pecks.
FFIX - Jecht doesn't have a limited lifespan; he has no limits.
At one time everyone in the world was a man, then Jecht was born and over half of them instantly became women in response to his glory. Then he had sex with them.
Jecht can know both the position and velocity of any particle in the universe.
When Chuck Norris discovered his father was Jecht, he turned into Tidus.
The most expenisive coffee in the world comes from beans that have been digested and defecated from Jecht.
I think we all know Jecht is more manly than Sephiroth could ever be. Consider:
Jecht was invited to speak at an all-girls school. Simply by declining the invitation, everyone at the school became pregnant, including the male teachers and the 70-year-old lunch lady.
The real reason Garland went back in time to become Chaos? Jecht hit him so hard he punched a hole in the space-time continuum.
Cloud didn't suffer from Mako poisoning in Mideel, he suffered from overexposure to Jecht''s awesomeness.
There was once an atmosphere on the moon. Then Jecht flexed.
The real reason Gabranth is an ex-Judge? Because NO ONE can judge Jecht.
When Jecht takes a tropical vacation, he sleeps on the Sun.
When Jecht kills something, it gets reincarnated, and then dies again.
Upon seeing Jecht coming toward it, the Midgar Zolom did that to itself.
The Serpent gave Adam and Eve an apple, but Jecht gave them Dis Pear.
The ghosts aren't chasing Pac-Man, they're running from Jecht.
The Void used to be a nice place to visit. Then it angered Jecht.
Chuck Norris built Rome in a day. Jecht built Chuck Norris in twenty seconds.
Ayn Rand asked, "Who is John Galt?" NO ONE asks "Who is Jecht?"
Jecht was removed from the original Mortal Kombat because every move of his was a fatality.
Jecht was removed from Mortal Kombat 2 because he refused to do Friendships.
Every cloud has a silver lining. This silver lining is made from Jecht's hair.
Jecht is so bad-ass, if he kills himself, YOU die instead.
Jecht was able to win at Triple Triad... without any cards.
Once there as a chocobo named after Jecht. It won every race. Even ones it didn't enter.
Kefka pushed the Warring Triad out of balance and destroyed the world. Jecht destroyed the Warring Triad.
The reason it's called The Calm is because that's what Jecht was when he faced Sin.
Sin is Yu Yevon, because Jecht >>>>>>>>>> YOU.
When Jecht picks up a Rubik's Cube, the colors align themselves.
Jecht doesn't need a memory card. Games are too scared not to save.
Jecht once had a dog. It ate Angelo and Interceptor, and then Jecht outdid his dog by eating the entire species of Shoopufs to extinction.
If you kill Omega Weapon, you get the Proof of Omega. No one knows what you get when you kill Jecht, because he can't die.
The Great Wall of China wasn't built to keep out the Mongols. It was built to keep out Jecht. It didn't work.
Socialized medicine doesn't really have "death panels," but if it did, they would consist only of Jecht.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks his closet to be sure that Chuck Norris isn't there. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't bother checking the closet because he knows Jecht will unleash a Jecht Shot on his ass no matter what he does.
Ozzy Osbourne bit the head of a bat. Not to be outdone by him Chuck Norris proceeded to bite the head of Batman. Jecht's response to this was assembling over nine thousand vampires and decapitating them with the fingernail of his left pinky.
When Alexander looked over his empire, he wept for he failed to impress JECHT.
The reason Jecht is awesome is because it's Chuck Norris PLAYING AS Jecht. The beard and manly chest hair gave it away.
If Chuck Norris played as Jecht, the universe would implode on itself from the utter awesomeness of it all.
Exdeath is Jecht's "morning wood."
Scientists believe that black holes are formed by a star imploding. The truth is that they are formed whenever Jecht flushes his toilet.
When Jecht wants sex, he gets an e-JECHT-ion.
Jecht wouldn't do anything for a Klondike Bar. He'd make you do it.
Mario eats mushrooms to grow bigger. Jecht eats planets.
When you order from Pizza Hut, you have your choice of Pan, Hand-Tossed, or Thin Crust. Jecht gets all three types of crust.
Jecht does not master materia. Materia masters itself just to be equipped by Jecht.
Vampires don't sleep in coffins. That's where they hide from Jecht.
There is no such thing as a stupid question only if you get Jecht's approval first.
Tetsuya Nomura drew the concept art for Sephiroth. Jecht drew the concept art for Tetsuya Nomura, for he created him.
God said let there be light. Chuck Norris said "Say please." Jecht was the one who taught Chuck good manners.
2012 is the coming of Jecht.
Chuck Norris won The Game, but Jecht invented The Game.
Jecht doesn't need to give light back to the crystals, his radiance would outshine it anyways.
Jecht doesn't need sunfire to take out the dreadnought. He takes Hilda and leaves, and without his manliness to full it the ship just implodes.
Jecht doesn't need the light from the crystals to fight the CoD. His light created them.
Jecht doesn't need the Holy materia to stop the meteor, he just needs a running start before he jumps into it.
Jecht doesn't need to compress time. When he tells you what time it is... and it is that time.
There is no i in team unless Jecht says there is.
The fayt didn't create Jecht with their dreams.. Jecht created them, he's just always on their minds 24/7. Jecht may have become Braska's final Aeon.. But.. that was after he had beaten Sin. The first CG image of jecht caused a massive sytem failure because the computer couldn't hold so much data. Jecht was secretly removed from all religious books for fear that his followers would grow to plentiful. Jecht wasn't training in the ocean when sin came. The ocean was training with Jecht to become better at holding him. Tidus's mother wasn't the only one who died of depression when Jecht disapeared. most of the female population did, and a large portion of the male population did too.
Kuja got angry when Garland made Zidane. Garland got angry when Jecht made Chuck Norris.
Jecht needs no Limit Breaks. He is the Broken Limit.
Nowadays they offer "Jecht-related property damage" insurance.
Jecht doesn't need a soul to live. The soul needs Jecht.
I you have 500 Gil... And Jecht has 500 Gil, Jecht has more Gil than you.
Yu Yevon didin't appear until the very last moment of FFX just becaue he was afraid that JECHT would be mad for taking his screentime.
Dragoon's don't learn jump to attack, they learn jump to get away from Jecht as fast as possible.
Mega Elixers are made from the sweat of Jecht.
Jecht has had 10 sons, Gilgamesh, Ozma, Omega Weapon, Penance, Baltheir, Shinryu, Superman, Magneto, Death Machine, The Hulk, and Tidus. Tidus is the black sheep of the family.
Sephiroth was trying to cast Jecht, all he got was Meteor though.
Kuja was trying to cast Jecht, all he got was Ultima though.
Ultimecia was trying to cast Jecht, all she got was Time Compression though.
Aeris, Aerith, it doesn't matter. Jecht does them both.
"BADASS" -Fujin, on Jecht.
"SWEET JESUS" -Fujin, on Jecht.
"World very simple place. World only have two things: things Jecht can kill and things Jecht already killed." -Quina, on Jecht.
Tonberry's walk away from Jecht.
Jecht can make paraplegic people run for their lives.
Jecht can kill people with their own corpse.
Jecht doesn't have a computer, just thousands of nerds doing the computing.
Jecht CAN simply walk his way into Mordor.
When Jecth goes to Walmart. He buys what he needs and leaves. He is not swayed by the great savings.
Jecht knows everything, except for the definition of Mercy and Failure.
Jecht drinks molten iron and sweats Mountain Dew.
Jecht actually used his Ultimate Jecht Shot once during a blitzball game. Dinosaurs will be missed dearly...
Jecht is so awesome he gets away with child abuse.
you know that thing you're doing with your face? that breathing thing? Jecht lets you do that; be thankful.
Ya know that whole 'hung like a horse' thing? Horses wish they could be hung like Jecht.
Aneurysms? Jecht's answer to you for disrespecting him.
Ever heard about all those diseases from the Dark Ages? Jecht let one rip.
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Jecht.
Jecht can do push-ups and sit-ups at the same time.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. But Jecht did it first.
If tapped, a True Jecht Shot could power the country of Australia for 23 years.
Chuck is Jecht's personal tissue and toilet paper.
Jecht is so epic he sued EPIC for stealing his middle name.
tl;dr I'm stupadd.