Kuja Las Vegas
Sep 13 2009, 06:10 PM
We all know the drill. Predictable character arcs and cliches are staples of RPGs. In particular I loved how in FFXII, Vaan thinks Basch murdered this brother, and then five minutes into the game, "It wasn't me, it was my twin brother working for Vayne." Vaan: "I forgive you."
So here the character arcs re-summarized, and how I think they will go down in the end:
===========LIGHTNING
Lightning: "I hate kids! Especially that whiny bitch Hope! I ain't got time for no stupid kid!"
[As evident by many screenshots, Lightning and Hope are forced to pair up and work together at certain times throughout the game. Over the course of the game, they gain a bond.]
Lightning: "I like you now, Hope. You're alright. You're a good kid (pats on the head) :wub: (but non-sexually, SERIOUSLY ppl, imagine if Ashe rode Larsa :blink:).
===========SNOW
Lightning to Snow: "You goddamn poseur! You got Serah captured by teh enemy!" [Punches Snow twice. Punches Snow forty more times]. In the end, something happens, either Serah dies or is rescued.
150 hours later, after beating the final boss Jihl (who possibly went Sephiroth on Serah, with a sniper rifle gunblade, as the Serah was summoning Meteor to kill Cocoon), Lightning to Snow: "I forgive you, Snow. Let's be friends again. You would've been a good man for my sister."
===========VANILLE
Vanille: "I'm secretly working for Jihl! Yay! She made me her bitch. She seduced me into working for teh enemy."
10 hours later,
Vanille: ":'( Nooooo, I can't betray my friends. And Hope and Dajh are sooooo cute and kawaiiiiiii:wub:. Fuck you Jihl, you big-boobed bitch, I fights!"
===========HOPE
Hope to Snow: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my mother, or rather, got her killed. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my mother, you six-fingered, gloved, monk, poseur freak! Prepare to die. (repeat 30 times)
5 hours later,
Snow is hanging off a cliff. "Hope! Give me your hand!"
[Hope just stares at him. An evil look comes into his eyes, and he just walks away.]
Snow falls off but survives. Hope has a guilt trip. Later on, Hope and Snow have to work together, and Snow saves Hope even though Hope left Snow to die.
Hope: "I forgive you now."
===========SAZH
Lightning: "Teh Enemy are shooting at us!"
Sazh: "Because I'm Black. Those bastards!"
5 minutes later,
Vanille: "The Pulse Fal'Cie cursed us, we're all L'Cies now!"
Sazh: "Driving while Black. Those bastards!"
10 minutes later,
Jihl: "Your slave name is Kunta Kinte!" [whiplash]
Sazh: ":nag:OH MY GOD. HOW CAN THIS NOT BE BECAUSE I AM BLACK!!!?"
15 minutes later,
Dajh: "Heeyyyyyy! You're my daddy!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub:"
Lightning: ">_< Oh god, ANOTHER stupid kid."
Vanille: "Meh. Hope's cuter cause he's Whyt :rolleyes:"
In the end, provided Dajh doesn't get shot through the head by Jihl's sniper rifle, Sazh marries Vanille and raises his son Dajh in peace. Presumably Serah dies, Lightning marries Snow, and adopts Hope as a child. Jihl dies, Yaag dies, the Fal'Cies disappear, Cocoon is blasted from the sky, and everyone settles down on Pulse with the cave-men.
On a more serious note, why does the party split up in pairs at certain ponits in the game? Lightning w/ Hope, Vanille w/ Sazh, etc.? And what the hell happens to Snow? We haven't seen him captured by Jihl (she captured Vanille and Sazh).
So here the character arcs re-summarized, and how I think they will go down in the end:
===========LIGHTNING
Lightning: "I hate kids! Especially that whiny bitch Hope! I ain't got time for no stupid kid!"
[As evident by many screenshots, Lightning and Hope are forced to pair up and work together at certain times throughout the game. Over the course of the game, they gain a bond.]
Lightning: "I like you now, Hope. You're alright. You're a good kid (pats on the head) :wub: (but non-sexually, SERIOUSLY ppl, imagine if Ashe rode Larsa :blink:).
===========SNOW
Lightning to Snow: "You goddamn poseur! You got Serah captured by teh enemy!" [Punches Snow twice. Punches Snow forty more times]. In the end, something happens, either Serah dies or is rescued.
150 hours later, after beating the final boss Jihl (who possibly went Sephiroth on Serah, with a sniper rifle gunblade, as the Serah was summoning Meteor to kill Cocoon), Lightning to Snow: "I forgive you, Snow. Let's be friends again. You would've been a good man for my sister."
===========VANILLE
Vanille: "I'm secretly working for Jihl! Yay! She made me her bitch. She seduced me into working for teh enemy."
10 hours later,
Vanille: ":'( Nooooo, I can't betray my friends. And Hope and Dajh are sooooo cute and kawaiiiiiii:wub:. Fuck you Jihl, you big-boobed bitch, I fights!"
===========HOPE
Hope to Snow: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my mother, or rather, got her killed. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my mother, you six-fingered, gloved, monk, poseur freak! Prepare to die. (repeat 30 times)
5 hours later,
Snow is hanging off a cliff. "Hope! Give me your hand!"
[Hope just stares at him. An evil look comes into his eyes, and he just walks away.]
Snow falls off but survives. Hope has a guilt trip. Later on, Hope and Snow have to work together, and Snow saves Hope even though Hope left Snow to die.
Hope: "I forgive you now."
===========SAZH
Lightning: "Teh Enemy are shooting at us!"
Sazh: "Because I'm Black. Those bastards!"
5 minutes later,
Vanille: "The Pulse Fal'Cie cursed us, we're all L'Cies now!"
Sazh: "Driving while Black. Those bastards!"
10 minutes later,
Jihl: "Your slave name is Kunta Kinte!" [whiplash]
Sazh: ":nag:OH MY GOD. HOW CAN THIS NOT BE BECAUSE I AM BLACK!!!?"
15 minutes later,
Dajh: "Heeyyyyyy! You're my daddy!!!!!!!!!!!! :wub:"
Lightning: ">_< Oh god, ANOTHER stupid kid."
Vanille: "Meh. Hope's cuter cause he's Whyt :rolleyes:"
In the end, provided Dajh doesn't get shot through the head by Jihl's sniper rifle, Sazh marries Vanille and raises his son Dajh in peace. Presumably Serah dies, Lightning marries Snow, and adopts Hope as a child. Jihl dies, Yaag dies, the Fal'Cies disappear, Cocoon is blasted from the sky, and everyone settles down on Pulse with the cave-men.
On a more serious note, why does the party split up in pairs at certain ponits in the game? Lightning w/ Hope, Vanille w/ Sazh, etc.? And what the hell happens to Snow? We haven't seen him captured by Jihl (she captured Vanille and Sazh).