Channelled Anger?

[Tidus]

This may seem sorta stupid to some...but it's serious to me. Any good advice would be greatly appreciated. I admit that I am an extremely angry person. At times I hate the people that have hurt me, I hate the world, and I hate myself. I randomly talked to Aurelia about this. I thought I was strong because I could admit to going through all of this online....I figured I can do that because I know none of you will probably ever see me.....but even so....carrying all of this anger and pain just feels like this massive burden that I may carry alone to my grave. It makes me feel isolated and alone...even cold at times

I'm a fighter (Mixed Martial Artist). I have been channelling my anger in my training for a long time. It's earned me a shot at training at a big gym where two UFC (Pro Fighters) guys train at. I fight with alot of emotion. I go in there ready to die (I've had a couple amateur fights). Fighting and training are my way of screaming back at the world. I know I need to talk to someone....but I'm afraid if I change how I am...less angry, less isolated, less cold...that I may not have that same drive that has helped me excel in my training and competition. During the day, my anger leaves me determined and confident as I train. At night, it just leaves me angry at the world, sad, and alone.

Have any of you guys dealt with anger issues? Should I talk to someone? I'll explain myself like I did to Aurelia.

Can't bring myself to type this straight out...but a female babysitter did something with me when I was around 5 or so. My father cheated on my mom alot. He hit her. She left him finally. He pretty much left me when I was 13. He came back when I was 16 or so. I watched him get stabbed by my stepmother. You know...all of my life I've felt like the underdog. I started working out really hard and changed my appearance...I thought that would make everything go away...it earned me a walk-on on a college wrestling team. It still didn't change the way I felt. I ended up hurting my shoulder and missing out on the wrestling season anyway. Sometimes I think I'm just doomed for failure and disappointment.

I know this thread is long...and probably stupid to most...and to those...I am sorry. I keep thinking that if I write about it. It'll make it all go away...but it never does...I just can't bring myself to tell anyone about alot of this stuff...especially the first part...and it's even worse now that I'm having clouded flashbacks. I know there are alot of people that have it worse than me...I just feel so angry, empty, and ashamed of myself at what's happened. If you took the time to read any of this miserable thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart for tolerating me...heh.

[rutea7]

i think you should get someone to listen to you and help you get through this, and i mean a professional because some of the things that happened are very serious and you said yourself that they left an impression on you.

people tend to think that therapy, or "talking to a shrink" is lame but thats just a stupid prejudice. talking about things and figuring out how they affect you will eventually help let things go and move on with your life without all that weight on your back.

edit: with your permission i'll pray for your recovery.

[Käthe]

I've also had pretty extreme trouble with anger control.

Just as you've said, i think all of these issues come from your past, you've gotten all of this access pent up aggression from what you've experienced through your earlier life, and the only way you can channel it better is by fighting.
Of course you've bettered yourself, worked hard , but unfortunately it doesn't rid your emotional and repressed feelings.

Personally i would see a mentor, or even your local Doctor for advice in order to try and push past these parts in your life which where your hardest. If your unable to push these feelings out of yourself then you'll just retain all this anger and hatred you feel even longer, and it will feel even worse as time goes by.

As for me I ended up basically battering a girl in high school and it resulted in myself having to question my actions and why i had come to be like i was, and it was pretty much down to the basis of stress involved from my parents which pushed me constantly to be like my sister, which pushed my self esteem down for i was unable to be in a vague category to her,, this affected my work, which i only came to realize once i spoke to teachers and how they felt about me, and also down to since my sister used to basically hit me, punch, kick since i was around 14/15. (It's still vaguely on-going, but it's not as much)

The school helped me out, got me a mentor, which helped on my self esteem, control of my actions, and also my work and performance. But it didn't last long and my mentor up and vanished from coming back to the school after 3/4 months of working with me, and i basically slipped back into that rut again.
My anger got obviously worse, and ended up having to see my Doctor and his easy method was medication. Which is not the answer, my prescribed drugs pushed me into huge mood swings, of feeling extremely happy, or just emotionally depressed in every aspect, your GP may say they help, but yourself emotionally would never be balanced, and only further more represses any anger or memories you have.

But I've luckily pulled myself out of it to a respect, only fairly recently really, and i basically just devalued everything in my life, and focused on myself and my work. I set my goals for later life and basically said to myself, I'm going to be there no matter what, and this time I'm doing it for myself, and not for others.
And it's pretty much been fairly ok since, yes i have had times where I've felt pretty fucking angry, but I've just kinda washed it out with the notion on being somewhere one day, and i just sat down and got on with my work to be done

I do hope this helps in some sort of way towards helping yourself.

[Masa-Mune]

Umm not that this helps but , ive had trouble always controlling anger come from 100percent angry italian family .(very loud family) But all i know is getting away from anger is , if A) Your still alive B) You guys are healthy right no major health problems not in and out of the hospital not in pain everyday of your life , then id say your on the right road and dealing with whats happened and what will happen to you is easy enough.

Compare to worry that you will end up in the hospital tomorrow. And never get out!

Or your life has been stolen away by illness. Not beng able to continue with your dreams bc of money problems bc your too sick to work , or your worried that if you start up school again you will end up another 15,000 in debt bc you got really sick and couldnt make it anymore. Ive spent a total of 189 days in the hospital the last 3 and a half years of my life . Now even when im getting better those fears still lingure over my head. Its hard to start living , when you know that i could be dead or dieing in the hospital tomorrow even though its the same for everyone when you've already stared at your mortality dead in the face , it make you realize that if you were only healthy and didnt have to deal with this damn pain or ilness or both all the time it would be a lot easier to deal with what has happened to you in the past . I truly believe this that being sick has helped me see exactly how to change what i need to work on and has given me A LOT of time to think about talk about with someone and deal with everything in thats happened to me to this point.

(Sorry for wall o text)

I should have just said if your healthy and got a decent brain in your head. You will find a way to deal with life , not easy and sometimes (like in my case) takes a life threatening incident or ilness to occur and make you take a step back , analyze and take a look at your life(and yourself) and realize that i can deal with this crap and make it someday eventually no matter how long it takes(in my case may be a while anyone got a pancreus they dont need XD ).This probably doesnt help.



Sorry but i am a crappy typist

[PhoenixSun]

This may seem sorta stupid to some...but it's serious to me. Any good advice would be greatly appreciated. I admit that I am an extremely angry person. At times I hate the people that have hurt me, I hate the world, and I hate myself. I randomly talked to Aurelia about this. I thought I was strong because I could admit to going through all of this online....I figured I can do that because I know none of you will probably ever see me.....but even so....carrying all of this anger and pain just feels like this massive burden that I may carry alone to my grave. It makes me feel isolated and alone...even cold at times

I'm a fighter (Mixed Martial Artist). I have been channelling my anger in my training for a long time. It's earned me a shot at training at a big gym where two UFC (Pro Fighters) guys train at. I fight with alot of emotion. I go in there ready to die (I've had a couple amateur fights). Fighting and training are my way of screaming back at the world. I know I need to talk to someone....but I'm afraid if I change how I am...less angry, less isolated, less cold...that I may not have that same drive that has helped me excel in my training and competition. During the day, my anger leaves me determined and confident as I train. At night, it just leaves me angry at the world, sad, and alone.

Have any of you guys dealt with anger issues? Should I talk to someone? I'll explain myself like I did to Aurelia.

Can't bring myself to type this straight out...but a female babysitter did something with me when I was around 5 or so. My father cheated on my mom alot. He hit her. She left him finally. He pretty much left me when I was 13. He came back when I was 16 or so. I watched him get stabbed by my stepmother. You know...all of my life I've felt like the underdog. I started working out really hard and changed my appearance...I thought that would make everything go away...it earned me a walk-on on a college wrestling team. It still didn't change the way I felt. I ended up hurting my shoulder and missing out on the wrestling season anyway. Sometimes I think I'm just doomed for failure and disappointment.

I know this thread is long...and probably stupid to most...and to those...I am sorry. I keep thinking that if I write about it. It'll make it all go away...but it never does...I just can't bring myself to tell anyone about alot of this stuff...especially the first part...and it's even worse now that I'm having clouded flashbacks. I know there are alot of people that have it worse than me...I just feel so angry, empty, and ashamed of myself at what's happened. If you took the time to read any of this miserable thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart for tolerating me...heh.
dude, i'll just say this.

everything that's happened to you is not your fault in any way and you shouldn't be ashamed but rather you should continue at things you can do to better yourself. talking to someone helps because you end up feeling like someone understands and that ends up helping you feel like a weight's been lifted your shoulders. it does seem a frightening thinking if you let go of your anger that may cause you to lose your drive, but sometimes that isn't the case. infact releasing your anger could help you in the long run with becoming a better fighter. it's really fucked up what happened to you dude, and i wish i could do anything other than just this, i really do man. but getting it out to someone like you just did is one of the best things to do, don't hold it in because i do alot and i think i exploded a couple of times on the forums here, and like cathryn said just focus on what you do best. if you feel the need to confront the reason why you feel this way do so. ultimately, a person like you does not deserve the things you went through but don't succumb to it. you are definitely better than that

[Ren XIII]

The best advice I could give you is get a therapist. :cookie:


Everybody has had crap happen in their lifes and everyone responds to that "crap" in a different manner so even though talking about it in a forum helps a little nothing beats specialized counseling.